Okay – today is the day. The day that I lay it all out there. The day I rise to the occasion and own up to what I’ve become…what I AM – FAT. I’ll call today my day of discomfiture or “D-Day”. You know – it takes a lot of courage (or stupidity) to be honest enough to admit and publish something so personal and so horrid as this, but I made a promise to myself that I would humiliate myself for the sake of recovery and rehabilitation.
How does one become F.A.T? Well, let’s think about this for a moment. Let’s address the 250 ton elephant in the room. I blame McDonald’s for their french fries and cheeseburgers that I consumed like skittles during my junior and senior year of highschool when I was an employee. Much like someone who walks by a candy dish at their grandparents and picks out a lemon drop or a butterscotch, I would pick up handfuls of french fries or a cheeseburger (or 3) when we were slow (and they were even better with a bit of “Mac” sauce added on…) Sometimes I’d even pass the time having a love affair with the chicken mcnugget drawer. In fact, there have been times when I’ve looked in the mirror and swore those famous golden arches have been burned for eternity into the cellulite of my ass. We all pay a price, right?
Or… how about those late night drive thru trips through Taco Hell or Bueno? Yes. I now admit to nightly visits to one of my favorite Mexican restaurants on my way home from work – 2 party burritos, a cup of queso, & a water – driving home slowly while savoring each and every morsel then driving through the car wash to hide the evidence in an overflowing trash receptacle… maybe I wasn’t the only one…? That was the highlight of my day. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?!?!
Truthfully, I still LOVE Taco Hell’s devil tacos and Bueno’s… well, Bueno’s anything. In fact, I love consuming Bueno’s salsa from the cups in a very “salsa shot” kind of way… YUM! But as long as I don’t over consume or try to be covert in my food happiness, I can’t feel guilty – right?
Now – to the point of today’s blog. My “D-Day”. *deep breath* My revealing such personal information to you is purely because I realize that the only way I’m going to face it is to share it. As long as it’s my secret – i.e. cheeseburgers & burritos – I am bound to it. No one can call me out on it. No one can slap some sense in to me. No one can tell me I’m hurting myself – if I keep it a secret. Consider this a SELF intervention…
You might want to sit down... As of this morning before I stepped into the shower – I weigh 250 pounds. I wear a size 16 (sometimes 18 but NEVER a 14). And I've graduated from XL to XXL.
My goal weight is between 170 & 180. With my build (I'm 5'8" ish and thick by nature), that is where I’d feel healthy. I have a long way to go – but as long as I’m holding myself accountable, I feel like I can make the changes I need to and, more importantly, WANT to. =)
I heart D-day! Together we will overcome the drive through temptations, the late night cravings, the desire to eat ice cream from the container!
ReplyDeleteSturdyStick OUT!
From my pal, Marty. I SO appreciate his positivity!!!
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion its not necessarily the number on the scale as it is the body fat percent number. 3 years ago I was 202 and 38% body fat. I went all the way down to 170 and 16% but was way to skinny. I'm working my way back up, I'm currently 191 and roughly 19%. I get up at 3:00 am to be in the gym by 4:00, 5 days a week and that is getting ready to go to 6 days a week. My secret is pretty simple. Its anger management and stress reduction. I take out my frustrations and anger on myself in the gym..it hurts..it hurts so bad sometimes it makes me cry, throw up and cramp up. Maybe its not the best method, but its worked for me.
Where are the pictures? I want to see you girls melt away. I've watched women in the gym come in and kill themselves for weeks at a time and they literally melt almost in front of my eyes. Its awesome to watch them as their self-confidence comes back and their whole demeanor and even their walk changes.
You girls can do it. Its a hard walk, but a satisfying journey.