Sunday, September 22, 2013

Confessions and Constipation

Today I embarked on a seven mile wog... well, walk, mostly.  If I'm being honest with myself... all walk.  Anyhooter.  My goal was to finish in 2 hours.  

I had E drop me off at the QT at 71st & County Line, where I filled my 52 ounce water keg up with free ice and water, then I set out to conquer the pavement.  I zig zagged my way home from there - up Hillside drive - following the side of the road taking me into parking lots and around the backs of buildings (can't miss an opportunity for mileage) - up to Lynn Lane, down to 51st Street, and into my neighborhood.  I walked in my front door at two hours, one minute, and 57 friggin seconds.  But I'm not complaining.  There WERE issues... I'll get to those later, though.
It was a beautiful day here at home - which made for a nice walk. 

Walking for 2 hours gives you a lot of time to think, reminisce, daydream, goal plan, and just go blank. It is the most peaceful time I make for myself.  Last Friday I did the Rib Crib "Run" downtown... (we'll get to why I'm paraphrasing "run" in a minute)... My goal was 45 minutes... I did it in 46.  (Eff you extra minute!!!) I had my head phones in, my Endomondo going and my Polar checking my heart rate...  I felt preeeeeetty darn good about myself.  I was, in my mind, "bookin' it" (as my daddy used to say).  I wasn't going to beat the animal that completed the race in 17 minutes - but I my glutes were bouncing like a racquet ball!  
As I'm nearing the 3 mile mark, I turn a corner and a race monitor says to me, "Good job, Walker."  WALKER!?!?  Whatchootalkingbout, lady?!?!  WALKER!!!!  I ain't no zombie!  Then it hit me right between the eyes like a well placed stick of TNT by the RoadRunner...  I'm not a runner.  And I had a moment (or several that have led into a week) of deflatedness.  

WALKER? Me? No... I'm a "runner"... I "run"... kind of.  Sometimes.  Or I wog.  Maybe.  More than most.  Walker...?  Really?  Ugh... I AM a walker.   Why am I even doing this?   I'll never be able to do a 1/2 marathon.  What was I thinking?  That lady was right.  I'm just a lowly, fat, slow walker.  I'll never finish a race first.  I'll never run a complete 5k... I'm just a "walker"... 

WAIT!!!  Pause... re-freaking-wind this bizzzzzz-NITCH!!  BACK THE BUS UP!

I had to slap myself pretty hard.  I confess... I was having a pity party.  I was doing what most of us women do and reading into what someone else said until it fit the perfectly negative meaning I wanted it to mean - so I could whine and cry and try to recuse myself from becoming a healthier version of me.  I put the brakes on THAT heifer inside of me today.  I WILL finish a 1/2 marathon - even if I do walk most of it.  And there's NOTHING wrong with that.  So what if I never finish a race "first".  At least I've FINISHED races that others didn't even have the balls to start. Besides, I'm ONLY competing with myself (for now).  And whether I run a complete 5k or not is up to me - not the race monitor babysitting the road cone last Friday.  So, yeah... I may be a walker for NOW... but I'm moving and I've come a long way from where I was 3 months ago.  I have a lot to be proud of.  So I'm done letting that encouraging comment negatively affect me because my over thinking brain chooses to make something out of nothing.   (Phew - feels good to have that out!) 

Okay - onto my "issues" today.  Waiting at crosswalks murders your time.  And that pisses me off.  But the REAL "issue" I'd like to address is constipation.  Dr. MoYo here - and if you are suffering from any kind of bowel lockdown issues, I prescribe to you something very cheap and easy... GET OFF YOUR ASS AND MOVE - a lot (and drink LOTS of water)!  Just make sure you're never too far from a comfort station.  
Now - I've never personally had any issues with regularity.  The trash is picked up at the same time everyday.  Often multiple times.   
But, after today, I'm a believer that walking - or wogging - or whatever your poison is - will get your innards working.  

Have you ever had a "shituation"?  You know what I mean!  A "SHIT-uation".  Well, its not comfortable.  And you sweat a lot.  And you shake a little.  But I'm convinced that's mostly nerves because, let's face it, bowel movements are a bit taboo.  And, when you're in the middle of a long journey while afoot, and the need strikes you... you tend to get a little anxious.  I would just like to give a BIG thank you to Nienhuis for installing port-a-potties around their park.  You literally saved my shit today.  I believe there should be a public restroom and water fountain at every intersection in the world.  And that's all I have to say about that.   

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